Understand how to improve your IELTS Writing skills by examining a sample essay, identifying common mistakes, and learning how to make your writing clearer, stronger, and more effective.
Everyone shows you Band 8 model answers, but it is hard to see how they were built. Today we try something different. We will read a starter essay, mark it like an examiner, spot the upgrades and make them. Finding upgrades in someone else's writing trains the 'examiner's eye' you need for your own.
The question
'Some people think children should start learning a foreign language at primary school. To what extent do you agree or disagree?'
The starter essay (read it first, then hunt for upgrades)
'Nowadays many people think children should learn foreign language in primary school. I agree with this because it is very good for children.
First, children learn language quickly. Also, it is good for future. Many people say that English is important. So children must learn it early.
Second, it is good for school. Children who learn language will be good in other subjects. Also, they can make friends.
In conclusion, language is important for everyone and children should learn it.'
The upgrade hunt
Task response. The writer agrees, but the ideas are very general. 'Very good for children' says nothing specific. There is no real explanation of why early learning matters.
No examples. Not one idea is made concrete. Examiners reward ideas that are explained and supported.
Coherence and cohesion. 'Also' appears three times, and it does not connect ideas. It only adds more. Linking words should show relationships such as cause, contrast or result.
Vocabulary. 'Good' appears again and again. 'Language' is used without 'a' or 'languages'. The range is narrow.
Grammar. Missing articles, 'it is good for future' and 'will be good in other subjects' are small details that add up.
The conclusion. It repeats the introduction and adds nothing.
This starter essay sits around Band 5, and a few upgrades can lift it a long way.
The upgraded version (same idea, stronger writing)
'These days, there is a growing debate about whether children should begin studying a foreign language in primary school. I strongly agree with this view, mainly because young learners absorb new sounds easily and gain years of valuable practice.
Firstly, young children pick up pronunciation more naturally than teenagers or adults. For example, a child who hears French lessons from the age of six will usually have a more natural accent than someone who starts at sixteen. This early advantage makes later study smoother.
Secondly, early language learning improves general learning skills. Children who study another language must notice patterns and remember new words, which strengthens their memory. As a result, many of them find it easier to approach other subjects with confidence.
In conclusion, starting a foreign language in primary school gives children a head start in both skills and confidence, and schools should encourage it.'
What changed
How to mark your own essays
Use the four IELTS criteria as a checklist. Did you answer every part of the question (Task Response)? Is each paragraph about one main idea, with clear links between sentences (Coherence and Cohesion)? Did you use a range of words and avoid repeating the same ones (Lexical Resource)? Were your sentences varied and mostly accurate (Grammatical Range and Accuracy)? Give yourself an honest score out of nine for each one, then ask a friend or teacher to check your marks. The gap between your score and theirs shows where your examiner's eye can grow next.
Your turn
Rewrite the starter essay in your own words. Set a timer for 40 minutes, then mark your version with the checklist above and compare it with ours. Which upgrade could help your own writing most?
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